One Decision

First, let me update on my goals. I have completed my walking every night this week, and I drank 64 oz. of water yesterday and Monday, but not Tuesday. Not bad! Tonight is a free night - there is no scheduled walking according the program.

Today is a huge mile marker in my life. Ten years ago today, I made a decision that would completely change my life forever. I stood up for myself and finally told someone, "No." I don't really want to go into the details on here. This decision, though, was something that I don't think anyone thought I had the self confidence to do. In fact, I didn't. The only explanation I have for this is the Holy Spirit. I didn't know why I did what I did, just that I knew it had to be done. And when I acknowledged that, I was filled with the strength to do it.

I can't believe it has been 10 years. In some ways, it seems like a lifetime ago. I am a completely different person than I was then. The Tonya back then was suffering from depression. That time in my life is sort of hazy in my mind. Depression was such a part of my life, that it clouds my mind's images. Depression zaps all energy from life. It is being mentally trapped in some cold, dark, small place. Your mind has been stuffed down this hole. Everywhere you look, you see nothing but the black abyss that surrounds you. It isn't just feeling sad. I would wake up and not be able to get out of bed. Not because I was sad, but because I had absolutely no reason to do so. All I could see was the nothingness. And who wants to get out of bed and face that?

On the flip side, today I can get out of bed each morning and face each day with possibilities. I am no longer stuck in that hole. I can see clearly and make decisions with confidence. Now, this change wasn't overnight. And, just like anyone else, I have my bad days. But, that helping of strength I gained ten years ago is still there, guiding me.